Well, I admitted myself into the hospital for a week or so. I’m with a therapist, psychiatrist, and i’m on prozac, some anti anxiety med and seroquel. i’m doing alright but i can’t stop thinking about cutting. my mind won’t stop thinking about it. i’m totally buzzed out right now b/c of the meds i’m on too. so it’s hard to write this. i want to see the blood flow. i want to cover my hands and legs in it and just die in my bathtub. is this psychosis or? i’m not sure. i cut really bad in the tub once and that was b/c i thought i had gone to hell, i was running on an hour of sleep and i thought i was in hell so i cut myself to make sure i was still alive… i still wonder if maybe i am in hell and yeah it’s weird. i feel as if i’m losing my mind. i really do. should i talk about this with my therapist or what? will they just lock me up? i like being home.
i guess my main questions are:
1. am i falling into psychosis?
2. what do i do with the overwhelming thoughts of death/suicide?
3. should i talk to my therapist about myself questioning psychosis?
and i don’t want to go to the hosp again sooo i’d love some feedback.
I congratulate you on getting the help you need, but you are still suffering, aren’t you? While they had you in the hospital, did you begin to feel better, or did you perhaps tell them that you were better just so you could go home? I certainly understand that home probably feels better, but the hospital is the best place to help stabilize you on medications.
If you are still having these thoughts, they didn’t fix the problem, did they? It’s important that you tell your therapist; they might want you to go back into the hospital, but they won’t “lock” you up, at least for more than a few days. If you want to cut yourself, or even die, you really do need more help than you are getting.
Please, call your psychiatrist, tell him that you don’t think the meds are working right, and he may be able to help you straighten them out at home. It’s important that you tell him that you have periods when you want to really harm yourself, or even kill yourself. Only professionals that are near you can really get you out of this jam.
I wish I could tell you whether or not I think you’re becoming psychotic, but I can’t. However, even if you are falling into a psychotic episode, there is help. Please get it as soon as you can, and don’t hesitate to contact us with your progress, OK?
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jun 2009
Walcutt, D. (2009). What Do I Do With Overwhelming Thoughts of Death?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/06/25/what-do-i-do-with-overwhelming-thoughts-of-death/