Raped at 11 and lonely now

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

i was raped over and over again when i was 11 years old by the man that my mum thought was my dad. am here in london alone and i have no family here, so when i always am in a relationship am always wanting to be loved so much , which i fink it turn man away from me. now am in a relationship but i think that my boyfriend does not love me that much because he says that am always doing bad things.i just want to know if i should get some counselling. I have lost boyfriends before because of me being raped and i do not want to lose another one. please can you help me. thank you very much for taking your time

A: It makes me very, very sad that you were so terribly abused by a man your mother thought she could trust and who should have been a father to you. It makes me even sadder that no one thought to take you for some counseling back then. Now you are 10 years older and suffering from the after-effects of the abuse.You are wise to realize that a pattern is developing that gets in the way of relationships and leaves you lonely and maybe scared.

Yes, I think it would be helpful for you to get some therapy now – both to help you work through the trauma you experienced as a little girl and to help you figure out what makes relationships so difficult now. A therapist can be an objective but caring person in your life as you work to understand yourself better.

You made an important first step in writing to us here at PsychCentral. Please follow through and find a therapist. With good support and some new insights about yourself, you can learn how to find the healthy and happy relationship you long for.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 May 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Raped at 11 and lonely now. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/29/raped-at-11-and-lonely-now/