Ex Has a New Baby With Another Girl

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My ex is having a baby with someone else after just one month of ending our relationship. I’ve been having a very difficult time dealing with this. When me and my ex-boyfriend broke up we tried to be friends and hang out from time to time one day out of know where he told me we couldn’t be friends anymore he didn’t give me a clear explanation he just told me he didn’t want me to start to cling to him again. We haven’t spoken since. Later I found out the girl was pregnant at that same particular time and he had made her his girlfriend. I guess she was a rebound gone wrong and he is just taking responsibility for his actions but it still hurts . I try to avoid my ex but I still see him all the time with his new pregnant girlfriend and we don’t say anything to each other. He completely ignores. Out of this entire situation what has hurt me the most has been his indifference towards me. So nonchalantly he pushed me away from his life like I never mattered. He ignore me like he never knew me. Its hard because not to long ago he was my boyfriend and now were strangers. I feel I might need some closure to tell him how I feel about how things have played out after our break up but I wouldn’t know how to start or what to say or even if he would care to listen. Some of my friends have advice me not to talk to him about my feelings and just try to let it go. I’m full of anger and hurt. I feel like he never cared about me, how did he replaced me so fast and erased me from his life. I don’t know how to get this all off my chest. How can I deal with my unresolved feelings and move on with my life?

A. There may be no easy way “to get over” the hurt you feel about of your ex. As time passes you will be less emotionally affected by the breakup. There is research that shows that generally by the third month, people feel as though they can “move on.”

What might help you in the meantime is to realize the truth of what may have happened. Your ex, in a very short time after breaking it off with you, had no problem entering into a new relationship with another female. What this may mean is that he was not invested in the relationship. The evidence is that after having just broken up he completely ignores you and shows a marked indifference towards you.

You also said he “nonchalantly pushed you out of his life as though you never mattered.” This is also very telling. This further suggests that he wasn’t very engaged in the relationship. If he were then he would too be struggling with the breakup. He does not appear to be. What’s the difference between you and he in this instance? You care and he doesn’t. The fact is that if he truly cared about you, then he would not have “nonchalantly pushed you out of this life.” The only way an individual could end a relationship and not care is not to have cared in the first place.

If that was your relationship with him – you cared and he didn’t – then it was better to have it ended.

There is another way to explain your ex’s behavior. He may have impregnated the other female and broke up with you because of the pregnancy. It’s also possible that he had been cheating on you with her and had to end the relationship with you when he learned she was pregnant.

You may never learn the specific reason why he broke up with you but what you can gauge from his actions, especially the indifference towards you, is that at least by the end of the relationship, he no longer cared.

I hope it’s evident that a person who could leave you so easily (as though you “never mattered”) is not someone you should waste your time and energy on.

I know you’re hurting now and you don’t necessarily want to wait to feel better. It’s not easy to endure emotional pain. For some people it can be almost unbearable. You will likely find however that the hurt you feel will lessen with time.

It does get better. I hope you feel better soon. Thank you for writing.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 May 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Ex Has a New Baby With Another Girl. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/25/ex-has-a-new-baby-with-another-girl/