I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me
Q. Ever since i was little there were a lot of problems going on at home. My brothers were always getting in trouble and fighting with each other. When i was in sixth grade i moved. I thought things would get better but instead it got worse, my parents seperated,and since i was in junior high at the time i was really mad at my mom. On top of that i was having problems with a boy i liked in school.
At the time i felt like there was something wrong with me, i was always crying, i was tired and i didn’t eat much. My dad didn’t recognize anything because he never really paid any attention to me. Once i got to high school i moved in with my mom and her boyfriend. A month before school started someone tried to rape me (i prefer not to say who) and my mom sent me to my sister’s for a year before i moved back with her. After that incident i feel weird when i’m around guys, i think that they might try to do something to me. I’ve never really had a great relationship with a guy ever since. All the guys i’ve gone out with have used me just to make someone else jelous. And this only makes me feel worse.
Now i’m a junoir in high school and i spend most of my time at home, i don’t really go out and i don’t have any close friends. I’ve been really moody and i feel mad a lot. At school i don’t really talk to a lot of people and i tend to keep to myself.I’m always feeling tired no matter how much a slept the night before and i still cry at times and feel like no one cares about me, not even my family.
I’ve thought about how people would react if i killed myself but haven’t really tried to anything like that. i would really apreciate it if someone can help me understand what is wrong with me.
A. Hello and thanks for writing to us:
It sounds like you’ve had a horrible time. Unfortunately, no one has given you much of a reason to trust anyone, have they? Your parents couldn’t give you the attention and feeling of safety that you needed growing up, your brothers were clearly pretty angry and you were ignored.
Rape is a very serious thing, and you really should find a professional to talk about it. You have counselors at school and while you may not want to talk with them, they are free and you are entitled to get help from them. You could also find a therapist in your area (if Mom is willing to take you). If she’s not, you can ask the school counselor where you can get help, but understand this— you CANNOT do this alone. Nor should you. You need support and a safe place to talk about what’s hurting you. Suicide isn’t the answer, either. It’s permanent and you would miss out on some wonderful things that are in your future. Trust me on this; you don’t need to quit just yet.
I can tell you what is “wrong” with you—you are depressed and need some help. Talking about what has happened in your life and with your family will help you recover from the very sad things that have happened. You may also need some medication — at least for a while — to help you cope.
You can find a therapist in your area at Psychology Today.Get some names and ask your parents to take you.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt
Walcutt, D. (2009). I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/21/i-dont-know-whats-wrong-with-me/