I Have No Friends and Am Depressed

By Diana L. Walcutt, Ph.D.

Q: First of all I want to thank the therapist who is patient enough to go through the problem I am facing.I am not sure what type of disorder I am suffering from but this problem is almost killing me I am very very very very depressed and want to commit suicide because I feel it is worthless to live this type of life. I literally have no friends in my life and I have made several attempts to make friends but I never succeeded. Till the age of 10 I was fine but the trouble started after that. I have changed school and in my class no one seemed to like me. I can confidently say that I am nice person and I never did any unpardonable mistake to be ignored like that .

I have to go to school alone and come back alone. My parents always used to scold me to study well and get good grades. Even though I had high ambitions about my studies I am able to partly achieve my goals. I could have achieved more if I had real friends who can love me for what I am. My parents never cared about what I am going through as a teenager and blamed me that I am responsible for not having any friends. They never thought why I am not able to make any friends. One good character I have is I never give up very easily. So since my teenage I have been trying to make true friends like every other average Joe but all my attempts miserably failed. I feel I have been cursed to have no friends.

I have to tell about my father here. I can say that he is a coward. There was a guy who in my class who took advantage of my loneliness and started harassing me. I told my father about that guy but he never did anything to stop that guy from harrassing me. I just went to classes like that for more than a year for the sake of achieving my goals. From that day I lost trust on my parents and I never believe that they are there for me. Because of this lonliness I have a very low self-esteem and I don’t have belief on me.

 I tried to analyze my situation on why I am not able to make any friends. I found that I am very innocent not sure how to behave with a person depending on their character.I behave very nicely with everyone irrespective of their age group. I don’t know how to interact with people of my age group. I try to be very polite and nice. The sad part about me is that I can’t access the character of a person and behave accordingly.

 So people treat me like a straw and people of my age group don’t find any enjoyment in my company. So no one is interested in making me as his/her friend. I tried real hard to improve my situation by analyzing people’s character but failed. I feel that it should come as we grow and it can’t be taught in school. Due to my fate I lack that basic quality to lead this life. I have stopped interacting with people because I have deep fear inside me that I will definitely fail.

As the days pass I am loosing interest on this life and want to die. I have seen a therapist in person but said I am a normal person without any problems.  As a last resort I am writing my problem in this forum hoping to get some help. Pleaseeeeeeeeee help me out!!!

A: Hello, and thank you for your question:

It sounds like you are having a terrible time, and you may need to go to either a social skills group or find a therapist who specializes in relationship issues. Your problem seems to stem from your relationship with your parents, and that is where we learn to form intimate, meaningful relationships with peers.

It is quite possible that you are not perceived the way that you wish. While you may be feeling snubbed by others, they may feel that they have tried to be friendly with you and misunderstood how you responded. That is not to say that it’s your fault, however.

It’s simply that we can be viewed as needy, clingy, or even demanding when we are simply desperate to make friends. Please consider going to another therapist. The one you went to probably didn’t understand where you are coming from. Be completely honest about how it feels to be rejected or abandoned and try to figure out what is really going on at the root of all of this.  I can’t diagnose over the Internet, and no one should really try. All I can say is that you are struggling to be understood and loved and need to find a professional who can help.

Please try to find a new therapist. You can find one in your area at Psychology Today.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 May 2009

APA Reference
Walcutt, D. (2009). I Have No Friends and Am Depressed. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/13/i-have-no-friends-and-am-depressed/