what can I do to save my relationship?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years now, its a long-distance relationship. He used to love me like crazy, He told all his family about me and he wanted to marry me. He used to call me 4-5 times per day, he would go crazy If i cry. I agree, that time, I used to argue ALOT with him. Over smallest thing, thats my fault, but it was just because i had a feeling that no matter what he would never leave me.

Everything was perfect, but since october 2008, he has changed alot. He has become a jerk to me, He slowly slowly changed with time. He first stopped caring when I cried, on the top of that he would laugh whenever I did. And then in december, he left me, saying that he wants a break from me. I agreed with him, but the very next day, I saw an email from him saying, He is sorry and he was just stressed he loves me alot and wants to get back.

But I didnt take him back, I wanted him to feel that I am also a human and show him how much does it hurt. He kept asking me to take him back, then in january I took him back, he made a promise that he would never hurt me. But as time passed, he kept becoming worse and worse, he curses at me, argues with me, and when i ask to tell me whats wrong, he doesnt tell me.

With time, he entirely stopped calling me, He can’t stand talking to me. He talks fine with others but with me, he does not. He brought up break-up many times, but i worked it out myself because i love him alot and can’t handle losing him. Now when I bring up marriage, he says he will see he does not know yet. He ignores my calls and does not talk to me whenever I am online. Sometimes he does, but its like not really talking, he says ”love you” formally and whenever it is about sex, he talks.

I feel he wants sex only, But i don’t know. I have been really depressed lately, my health has ruined, I just want him to be nice to me or however he used to be like. My friends tell me to break-up with him and then make him realize. But I am scared that if that way he goes away from me even more? I just need help, please help me why is he doing this and how can he change? what can I do to save my relationship?

A; You can’t save a relationship by yourself. For a relationship to thrive, both people have to be in it 100%. You and your boyfriend have been together since you were 16. As you’ve grown up, you’ve grown apart. It looks to me like the main reason he is continuing the relationship at all is because sex with you is familiar and comfortable – even though the relationship is not. He doesn’t know how to break it off with you so he’s being a jerk so you’ll make the break. You haven’t been cooperating.

Do yourself and him a favor and move on. And this time, find a man who stays with you because he really, really wants to, not because you manipulate him into it by crying or arguing or playing hard to get.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 May 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). what can I do to save my relationship?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/12/what-can-i-do-to-save-my-relationship/

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