Girlfriend Not Over Her Ex

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

The woman I was seeing for the past 4months exclusively recently had run into her ex boyfriend at a club. They were together for 3yrs and had talked about marriage until he cheated on her. They have been broken up for over a year now and she says she would never get back with him because of how he hurt her. She still loves him and asked for space to get over him. It has only been a couple of days since this all occured and I am unsure of what I am supposed to do or feel. Do I continue talking to her as a friend even though the feelings are there or do I choose to not talk with her anymore and if she comes back then I’d see how I feel. We would speak to each other all day everyday whether it be on the phone or texting so we never have gone long periods of not talking. I really care about her and she does about me but its a very hard decision for me to make. Any advice on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

A. I don’t think that you should completely stop talking to her. As you said in your letter, you really care for her. If you ended contact with her she may take it to mean you no longer care for her even though that wasn’t your intention.

She ran into her boyfriend of three years, someone she almost married. It may take her some time to understand the feelings that his presence aroused in her. On the other hand, she may quickly realize why she ended the relationship and began one with you.

Give her a little space but don’t stop complete contact with her. Communicate your feelings about this situation. You can tell her that you’re not sure how to behave. Tell her that it’s an awkward experience for you. If you feel uncomfortable saying certain things to her in-person or on the phone try writing her a letter or an e-mail to explain how you feel. She may have no idea what you’re going through and knowing that information may help clarify her thoughts and feelings towards you.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 May 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Girlfriend Not Over Her Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/05/11/girlfriend-not-over-her-ex/