Feels unwanted and depressed

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

alright i lost my mother when i was a year and a half and my step mom has been in my life since i was 2. well recently my parents have split up and i went with my dad to live with him and he got into a fight with his new girlfriend. He choked me and threw me down so i left and went and hid at the econo lodge. The next day my dad left and got sent to jail for DUI and petty larceny and his girlfriend took me back to my mom’s hous. My mom and i dont have the strongest realationship. but yesterday my dad came back to and now it seems like she doesnt want me anymore and i really dont wanna go back to my dads.

I just feel like there is no point in life anymore. i’m not suicidal or anything but i’ve tried everything – guidance counselors, social services, talking to an adult – Nothing works and i just feel depressed and worthless all the time and i dont know what to do about it

A: I know. It’s hard to feel worthwhile when the people who are supposed to love you are so wrapped up in themselves and their own problems that they can’t be there for you. Sadly, not everyone gets the family they deserve. It might help you to know that there are lots of kids in similar predicaments.

Take some pointers from other teens I’ve worked with: They get involved in sports or clubs at school so they can stay at school most of the day. They get jobs – both to keep away from home and to have some money so they can buy clothes and food and entertainment without asking for things from the adults. They get to know the family of a good friend or two and become “part of the family” – often hanging out there instead of at their own homes. They find summer jobs at sleepaway camps so they have a place to be for the summer where they can do something worthwhile and not have to worry about where they are going to live. They turn to god and find the kind of parent there that they don’t find at home. They study hard and get good grades so they can apply for scholarships for college. Going to college gives you another 4 years to grow up and to get an education without worrying about where you’re going to live.

You’re only 15 so it’s unrealistic to think you can strike out on your own at this point. You do need a place to call home, to eat, and to sleep. But you don’t have to spend a lot of time there. If whoever you end up with – your mom or stepmom or dad – really doesn’t want you around, don’t be. If you work on making a life for yourself and treat your good friends and adult helpers as “family,” you’ll be okay. Someday you’ll get to make a family of your own. Then you can finally have the family you’ve always wanted.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Apr 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Feels unwanted and depressed. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/04/30/feels-unwanted-and-depressed/