She’s pregnant, He’s distancing

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. 3 months, he’s 19 and I’m 21. Threw out our relationship i caught him several times talking to girls and lieng to me about little things wich made it hard for me to trust him. I found out i was pregnant in october from there we started having a lot of problems because i didnt want to move in with him to his parents house. I started notecing he was lieng to me so i started checking his phone calls and text i came to find out that he would go out behind my back and was talkin to a girl. When i asked him he denied everything then i told him i had checked his phone calls he told me that wasnt ok that i was going crazy and that all that stuff was my fault because i didn’t move in with him. But since then i cant trust him at all and constantly check his calls. I know that’s not right but how can i trust him when he keeps lieng to me after he tells me he won’t? I feel like he would rather be going out with his friends than stayin with me. I’ve talked to him about it but all he saids is that he wants to be with me and move out on our own but it’s hard to belive when he lies to me just so he can go out with his friends. He also mentioned that he feels weird having sex because of stomach. I dont know what to do it upsets me to think that just because I’m pregnant he doesn’t want to be around me and the reason he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me is just so I don’t get hurt.

A: Both of you have some growing up to do and fast. Ready or not, you are going to be parents – whether or not you manage to be a couple. Your boyfriend is acting like he isn’t ready to give up being single and one of the guys. You can’t so easily forget you have a baby coming so you panic and check up on him. He lies to get a little space which makes you all the more suspicious. It’s not a good way to live. It’s certainly not helping you become a solid couple.

You two need some counseling help. An experienced counselor will help you be honest with yourselves and each other. The counselor will talk with you about your expectations for your relationship with each other and with your child, both emotionally and financially. Getting clear about what you each want and need will help you settle things down before the birth. This will make things better for all three of you.

Please don’t wait to get an appointment. It is much easier to do this kind of talking before the baby arrives. Your doctor, your clergy, or your friends might be able to steer you to a therapist who helps new families.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Apr 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). She’s pregnant, He’s distancing. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/04/23/shes-pregnant-hes-distancing/