I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year in a half. We have a kid together and before all this we were together before and he left me for somebody else. The way he went about this hurt me so bad. He broke up with me and then started dating this girl the same day. Then we got back together and weve been together ever since. Now I am constantly worrying he is going to do something like that again. Every time he leaves to go out with friends I think he is really doing something else and he is goin to hurt me once again. We get into fights constantly about this issue but I cant seem to get these thoughts out of my head. I was going to go talk to somebody and see if this is really an actual problem or if its just trust issues.
A: Yes, it is an actual problem and it is about trust issues. You are in danger of creating the very problem you fear. The more you question your boyfriend and track his time, the more he will feel justified in keeping things from you – which will make you panic even more. If you want to give this relationship a chance, you need to stop the intrusive questioning and instead focus on being the most loving, supportive partner you know how to be.
Ideally, you and your boyfriend would have made your relationship more solid before having a child together but you didn’t so the stakes are now high. You have a child’s welfare to think about as well as your own. Although you are only 21, you two have created a situation where you both need to grow yourselves up – fast. Regardless of whether you stay together, your child needs two functional and functioning parents.
Your first priority is working out how to make a safe and secure home for your child. That’s probably going to require some changes from both of you. If you can’t stop the fighting and start being a team on your own, please find a family counselor to help you. You all deserve a better start as a family.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Apr 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Will he cheat again?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 31, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/04/20/will-he-cheat-again/