when we first started dating my boyfriend made it clear he didnt want the relationship to be all about sex. so in the first 2 months we had sex 3 times. then we moved in and i thought good hes comfortable now,i brought up concerns of no sex after 6 months without then after 8 months without I confronted him head on we have been together for 10 mo 8 with no sex, so we had a huge fight, the next day he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me had sex, he told me he sees why id miss sex, now a month later no sex again, i’m so frustrated and have found myself becoming attracted to other men everything except the lack of physical intimacy seems ok we get along great. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
A: You and your boyfriend are due for a tender and difficult talk. It’s clear that you have different sexual needs. Are you each willing to make adjustments? Like all other things in a relationship that lasts, frequency of sex and how you meet each other’s sexual needs have to be worked through. It’s not a matter of who gets their way. It’s a matter of finding a “couple way” that gratifies you both. At this stage in your relationship, you each need to decide if the other things your partner offers make it worth changing the frequency of sex or perhaps modifying your idea of what is satisfactory. If so, then working it through will be an important part of developing your teamwork as a couple. If not, then as disappointing as it is, it is only fair to each other to separate.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Apr 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Lots of love but no sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 8, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/04/19/lots-of-love-but-no-sex/