Angry and Need Help

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am very Angry and having trouble communicating with current psychologist. I accidently posted this same question on the General Boards under a different name, but I meant to post it to a therapist. Recently in my history I was in the military and had a psychiatrist for 2 years. During a difficult period I was admitted to a psych ward and a higher ranking psychiatrist switched my diagnosis to something else, which was “BS” and kicked me out of the military with 3 days notice. I was stressed and suicidal at the time and this only increased both, the next 3 days were stressful beyond belief, trying to fight the system. I was so angry I thought about killing the officer who kicked me out, in fact I still entertain these thoughts at night but with no intention of actually carrying them out. I now have a psychologist who I can barely talk to. I’m always wondering what he’s thinking, or if he’ll just drop me. Sometimes I’m just furious at him for absolutely nothing and I won’t talk to him, just to caused trouble. Although it doesn’t really give me much relief. I’m just so angry all the time and don’t really know what to do.

A. What are you so angry about? Your anger is almost to the point of being out of control. You wrote about wanting to kill someone. That is a very serious statement to make. You need to find out why and learn how to gain control of this emotion. Anger is not healthy and it’s never productive. You can be angry but where does it get you? There are no advantages to being angry. Anger is always irrational. If someone is angry about sitting in traffic for instance never does their anger help them get to their destination any sooner. Anger will not move traffic nor will it clear up a clogged intersection. The truth is that all anger does is make your life (and often the lives of those around you) miserable. It hurts you. It can also destroy relationships. Is this what you want? It’s time to get help immediately.

If someone says they’re angry what they usually mean is that they are disappointed, hurt or sad. If this is the case for you then it’s important to find a different way to express yourself. You can learn to change but you have to be open to it. You currently have an opportunity to work with a psychologist. Instead of trying to use this time with the counselor to help yourself you made it your goal to “cause trouble.” Again this only hurts you. You lose an opportunity to help yourself when you make it your goal to “cause problems.” Change your goal. Go into the session with a different attitude. Be a responsible adult. Instead of going into the session with a “chip on your shoulder” try talking to the psychologist about how you are feeling. Tell him that you are having difficulty controlling your anger and you’d like to find a new and better way to express yourself. You’re there to get help and doing anything else is a waste of your time and his.

There are many people who have anger issues. For therapy to be most effective a person has to want to change. If you’re not ready to work on your anger issues then therapy most likely won’t benefit you. Anger management involves teaching you new ways to react to situations, relaxation and stress management techniques, better communication and problem solving skills. Maybe no one ever taught you these skills. Even if you never learned how to manage your anger and emotions, if you are open-minded and willing to try therapy, you can improve your life. If you are not willing to accept help then you may simply remain an angry person whose main goal is to deliberately “cause problems” for other people. Do you really want to be this person? Do you really want the reputation of a person who intentionally attempts to harm others or cause trouble? Consider being open to the idea of change and learning a new way to behave. It may not be easy to decrease your anger but if you are willing to try you will likely be successful. The choice is yours.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Mar 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Angry and Need Help. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/03/16/so-angry-and-need-help/