Q: I know I should just be happy about my life, because I have too many years ahead of me. But, I hate everything about me and my life. I have two close friends and I do have a good amount of friends at school, but I rarely do anything outside of school with them. Although, I’m with my two close friends alot. Still, I feel friendless as if there’s something wrong with me because I can’t find any other outside of school friends. If I go a weekend without doing anything with my two friends I do hang out with, I become instantly depressed and start thinking how much I hate my life and how everybody obviously hates me. If I hear one of my friends is hanging out with someone else, I feel like they’re mad at me and I did something wrong. I don’t act all moody around them, but when I’m alone I get really down. It’s not just that I feel friendless and that I think I’m a loser. It’s that I always feel unpretty and fat, annoying and weird. Why can’t I ever be happy?
I’d just like to note that I think some of this might have been due to my nana dieing a few years back, I’ve been suicidal and depressed ever since she’s died. Although, I’ve never made an attempt on my life. I always think about it and want it so bad. But, even before that. I still always felt friendless, even though I had more friends back then, but all of my old friends became popular.
A: What a lot of worries for someone who is only 11. I’m so sorry for the loss of your nana. I can tell that she was very, very important to you. One thing to think about is what she would say to you if she were here. I can’t imagine that she would want you to be so hard on yourself. Listen really hard with your heart and you will be able to find what she would say.
I know that two friends doesn’t seem like enough. But I also know there are lots of kids who can’t find one friend, let alone two. Having two friends means that you do have some skills for meeting people and being a friend. That’s something to build on.
My main concern on reading your letter is how you seem to be waiting for something to magically change your life. Chances are that won’t happen. Change will happen only if you take charge of yourself and do some things to make your life happier.
If you want more friends, you really do need to seek them out. Join an activity or team, try out for a play, join the Scouts or a youth group, or volunteer at a program that has other volunteers your age. If you are busy, you’ll have more opportunities to get to know other people, you’ll have less time on your hands, and you’ll get out of yourself in a healthy way.
Once you feel comfortable with some new people, take the initiative and ask them to meet you for a soda or to go to a game or a movie or to just hang out. You may be surprised to find that other people are as hesitant to take risks as you are. Everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move.
If you find that the suicidal feelings get worse, please call the National Youth Crisis Hotline (800) 442-HOPE (4673). There are counselors available 24/7 who can talk to you. Click on “Helplines and Lifelines” on our homepage to find other places to call as well.
You took an important first step in writing your letter. Now please take the next one and follow up with some action.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Feb 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). I hate everything about me. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 10, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/02/16/i-hate-everything-about-me/