Adult Male Attracted to Young Boys

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m still young, since I’m only 19. My parents are divorced, and I live with my mom. I can talk to my dad whenever I want, but his wife (my step-mom) is very controlling an makes me want to avoid him. My grandfather was a child molester, though I don’t remember him ever molesting me. I DO remember him taking pictures of me naked, but nothing else. It didn’t seem to be very traumatic at all though. However I still have a sexual desire for boys around the age of 12 or 13 or so. A therapist I talked to (it wasn’t a full blown weekly thing,..I just talked to her three times, and that was it.) said that something happened at that age that stunted my sexual development, and now I am stuck at that age sexually. I agree with her conclusion because it would explain all my feelings such as my feeling that my body hair is unnatural and that it makes me feel dirty, and that people the same age as my body are intimidating to make friends with. 13 yr olds are much easier to make friends with for me as well. I have no idea what it was. Luckily I also have another paraphilia, which is called partialism (fetishism). So, I’m not sexually interested in getting into boy’s pants at all, but instead inside their socks. I would imagine this to be good because sexual activity involving their feet would be less harmful (if at all) than sexual activity involving their penis or butt. However, its still not socially acceptable. I keep getting older and my desires do not. I don’t think I’ll ever become a child molester…but I also think I’ll never be happy, which really makes me feel worthless. I don’t know why. I think the therapy for pedophilia is the same as the “therapy” to “cure” homosexuality. It includes shock-treatment, reconditioning, and such things. Its only successful sometimes, and is still quite damaging whether successful or not. That’s what I’ve read at least. Please help me. I don’t want to harm anyone now, or later down the road.

A. This is a problem that cannot be ignored. It should not be minimized. You are an adult male attracted to young boys. To engage in sexual relations with a child, male or female, who is underage is illegal. This problem includes your “only” playing with their socks. To say that it was “lucky” that you have this paraphila is likely a way to rationalize the incorrectness of your sexual desire. It is not okay to only be attracted to their socks. Because you know you are attracted to young boys and things associated with them, it is your responsibility to avoid any and all contact or interaction with them.

It’s not uncommon for individuals attracted to children to place themselves in circumstances where they might interact with them. For instance they might become coach of a junior high school basketball team. This allows them to be in the company of children or adolescents, the object of their desire. But it’s a slippery slope. The sexual urge can be very powerful.

If you placed yourself in the presence of young males, you might be tempted to physically interact with them. In fact your desire to be around them is evidence of the intensity of your sexual drive. Children cannot consent to sexual relations because they have not reached a certain level of maturity. That is why sexual relations between children and adults are illegal. As I mentioned in the previous paragraph you must avoid any and all contact with young males. As a responsible, law-abiding adult you must not allow yourself to be in their presence under any circumstances.

You are fortunate that you recognize this as a problem. At this point in time you have not harmed a child. If you had you’d likely be sent to prison for many years, maybe for the rest of your life. You’d be labeled by society as a sex offender and a pedophile. It would also harm a child, perhaps for the rest of his life. If you sexually abused a child, which is what it would be if you had any physical interaction with a child, you could effectively ruin his life.

With therapy you can learn to re-route your sexual urges. You need a new sexual outlet. You can essentially retrain yourself to be attracted to something or persons other than young boys. Your sexual urges need to be satisfied but this satisfaction cannot include young boys or anything related to them. Your sexual fantasies must not be allowed to include any thoughts pertaining to children, in any way.

I would strongly recommend therapy. The focus of therapy should be helping you find alternative and more appropriate ways to release your sexual urges. As I stated above, you must not ignore this problem or continue to rationalize your attraction to young boys as “lucky” or acceptable because you have a sock fetish. A grown man fondling the socks of a young, underage male is still a form of sexual deviation.

Your thoughts at this point are only thoughts. No one has been hurt. That is why now is the time to get help before you act on your thoughts and destroy the life of an innocent young male and also to save yourself.

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Jan 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Adult Male Attracted to Young Boys. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/01/19/adult-male-attracted-to-young-boys/