Dad treats sons better than daughter

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

: I’m 14 and my dad treats me like garbage. He all ways treat my older brothers better because i don’t have a job. My dad yells at me for every little thing and yet if my brothers do anything bad they get off scott free. like if i forget to take a shower he threatens me to take one or i sleep outside. My mom trys to help but nothing happens i just want to get along with my dad plz help.

A: I don’t have much to go on but I’m going to make a guess: Sometimes dads have a hard time when their daughters get to be about 12 or so. Their little girl is now growing into a young woman. There are many men who feel awkward and uncomfortable with this stage of parenting a daughter. They don’t like feeling confused so they strike out at the girl, as though it is her fault for just growing up. This isn’t rational. He doesn’t understand it himself.

If you are fighting with your dad, you are fueling the problem. A better approach would be to quietly tell him that he is hurting your feelings, that you love him, and that you want to get along. If you can’t do that in person, you could try writing him a note. Ask your mom if she can help him understand that girls need their dads to be on their side. Research shows that girls who have a dad who thinks they are terrific often become successful women.

If you and your mom aren’t able to work things out with your dad, maybe a family counselor could be helpful. Talk to your mom about getting the family some therapy so that your teen years can be less stressful for everyone.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jan 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Dad treats sons better than daughter. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/01/10/dad-treats-sons-better-than-daughter/