She doesn’t want sex with her bf

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend and I had been together 5 years and had been living together for 3 of those. We met when I was 15 and he was 20. I stopped wanting sex with him, I didn’t want to sleep with him and thought it was because I didn’t like sex. I left him for 6 months and begun another relationship with a man I found I did want to sleep with, in fact more that he wanted me! I missed my boyfriend so much that we have got back together, but I still don’t desire sex with him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him so why don’t I want sex with him? Please help.

A: The question you need to ask yourself is whether you are confusing a kind of family-like comfort with romantic love. Your first experiment with being with someone else didn’t work out so you went back “home.” But that may not really be where your heart is. As scary as it may be, I think you should take a break from the boyfriend. You need to find out who you are as a separate person. And you need the space to figure out who you are attracted to romantically and sexually. Trust yourself. Your body is telling you that as comfortable as your relationship is, it isn’t a romantic match. Love your boyfriend for the good times you had together while growing up but don’t try to make the relationship into something it isn’t. You are both young and you both deserve to have more.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Jan 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). She doesn’t want sex with her bf. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/01/07/she-doesnt-want-sex-with-her-bf/

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