Q: I’m 21 and have been with my fiancee now for four years. We are very open sexually with each other and i feel completely comfortable with him and very much enjoy when we have sex, but no matter what we try, even when i masturbate, I have never achieved orgasm. I feel like i get close, but then it all goes away.
I feel like this is not normal and i am missing out on a very enjoyable part of my life, and i know it bothers him, making him feel like he can’t pleasure me enough. We’ve tried different foreplaying, role-playing…nothing works. I don’t know what to do, but i really don’t want to give up on the chance i could experience something so many other women do.
A: I’m glad you and your boyfriend enjoy and trust each other so much. I’m sure this problem must be frustrating for both of you. I have a couple of suggestions. First, see an endocrinologist. The problem may not be in technique. It may be in your hormones. The other possibility is that the issue has become such a concern for the two of you that you can’t really relax into it. In that case, it might be helpful to see a couples therapist who specializes in sexual matters for some guidance.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Dec 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). She’s never had an orgasm…. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 28, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/12/28/shes-never-had-an-orgasm/