Q: I have been dating a girl for a few months now and things have been going pretty well. She just got out of a 2 year relationship, which by her account, was with a not so great guy. She has told me that she does not want a serious boyfriend right now because she has had one. I am pretty sure that she still talks to this ex-boyfriend and maintains some form of a relationship with him. She tells me she really likes me and finds me attractive but if that was the case wouldn’t she want to get serious. I feel that she can’t let go of this other guy and I don’t know if I should stick it out and try to be with her or should I move on to someone who is ready? By the way I do like her and we always have fun together. I just can’t help but wonder if she is having second thoughts about the other guy?
A: Sometimes timing is everything. It sounds like she is being as honest with you as she knows how to be and that she has been clear that she isn’t ready for the two of you to be a couple. It doesn’t have to do with whether she finds you attractive. She does. But she is either recovering from a break-up or she is rethinking it. Most people need more than a few months to get over a 2 year relationship so it makes sense to me that she wants to take it slow with you. That’s hard on you, I know. You’re ready to move forward.
It won’t be good for either of you if she feels pressured to make more of a commitment to you than she is ready for. You want someone who is heart and soul wanting to be with you and you alone. She needs more time before she is ready to do that for anybody. Only you can decide if she is interesting enough to you to give it that time. If so, back off and let her have the space to work through her feelings for her old boyfriend. Focus on having fun together and let things evolve naturally. In a few more months, it will be more fair to ask her if she is emotionally available to move ahead with you.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Dec 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Does she really like me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 7, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/12/28/does-she-really-like-me/