Q: So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years now. Everything was going great until this past summer. I started doubting our relationship for no reason at all really and we took a one week break in September. Everything was fine until just recently. Now, I’m having doubts again. I keep thinking about what my life would be like if we broke up.I kind of feel like we don’t have anything in common. But there is another part of me that loves him so much and can’t imagine my life without him. It’s very confusing to me. I just want to stop having doubts and go back to having a great relationship with him. But I’m not sure if maybe I should trust these doubts or not.I don’t know, maybe we are just in a rut or something, but I feel like we are just going through the motions. I guess I should also say that I was diagnosed with depression in grade school and that is part of the reason why I am so worried about these two completely different emotions I have about our relationship. Please help. Thanks
A: Yes, you’ve been with your guy for 4 years. But you met when you were only 14! Of course you are having doubts now. On the one hand, he is familiar and you’re used to each other. On the other hand, you’ve each grown up a lot since you were 14 years old. What you want in a man now is most likely very different from what you were looking for when you were so young. The same probably is true for him.
It is absolutely normal and usual for people in your situation to move on to new people and new experiences. This is the time in life when people sort out what kind of person they want for a partner. You can’t do that important developmental stage if you hang on to your childhood flame.
I hope you two will stay friends and value the time you had together. You helped each other grow up and you supported each other through high school. I also hope you will support each other in finding love and happiness with partners you choose for your adult selves.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Dec 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). She’s Having Doubts About Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 17, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/12/22/shes-having-doubts-about-relationship/