How do I keep the love of a married man?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: i would like to thank u first for any kind of help u may offer. i need help on how to keep love strong in my relationship while my partner is a married man. he’se been married for 2 years with 1 child and he had known his wife for 8 years, he also likes his wife and loves his child very much. he didn’t plan to have a relationship beside his marriage things just happened unvolantery between us.we dont have any kinds of troubles we have a nice time when we’re together, when we first started this relation we both agreed that this is a situation that we both found ourselves in and its worth to give it a chance, we don’t know where we will reach in the future we think more of the present time and that we are happy together.the problem is that i feel that the relation is starting to be some how boring since we don’t have a chance to see each other often (around once a week) we only talk by phone once or twice each day. i don’t want for things to stay like this i need to keep interest and the love spark but i just don’t know how.

A: Why, oh why, are you pursuing a man who already has a family? Neither one of you is being fair to his wife or his child. Relationships don’t “just happen.” Both of you made a decision to push a friendship or flirtation into a sexual affair. He’s cheating. You’re trying to pull a man away from his commitments. The kindest interpretation I can make for his behavior is that taking on the responsibility of a child has scared him. The kindest interpretation I can make for your behavior is that you’re not sure someone loves you unless he loves you more than someone else. Neither motive is mature enough to be the foundation for a lasting relationship. If you love this guy, support him in getting back to his family. Then work on your own issues about why you haven’t found someone to love who is truly available to you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Dec 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). How do I keep the love of a married man?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/12/13/how-do-i-keep-the-love-of-a-married-man/