Q: My husband and I just got married in July of 2007 and my sexual appetite is near zero. I hardly ever think about sex and feel my husband doesn’t care to have sex either. Sometimes I feel that my birth control has something to do with it. When we do suddenly decide to have sex I can’t get into it. Both my husband and I have gained wait since marriage but we both find each other attractive. I would like to know what excercises we could do together to get us more in the mood. I never know if he wants to and I don’t think he knows how to read my signals. Please help.
A: You said you think your birth control has something to do with it. Maybe. Please see your doctor and discuss side effects and your alternatives. There is no reason to stay with a particular method if it is lowering your libido like this. But that probably isn’t the whole issue. You say that your husband isn’t showing interest either and that the two of you don’t know how to read each other’s signals. That suggests a serious communication problem. If you two can’t talk honestly with each other about what is in the way of intimacy, you need some help. I can’t give you specific suggestions because I don’t know enough about the two of you. A counselor, however, can listen to you both and help you two discover your sexuality.
Please don’t put off making an appointment. If a problem like this goes on for a long time, it can become harder and harder to manage. It’s like when there’s an awkward silence in a conversation. The longer it goes, the harder it is to bridge the gap. You are young. You love each other. You want to be close. There’s every reason to believe that with some practical advice and support, you can find each other sexually.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Nov 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). not happy with sex life.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/11/25/not-happy-with-sex-life/