Q: The first time I saw my boyfriend I knew he was the man for me. I later found out he was married but I still knew we were destined. I work for him, by the way. About a year and a half after I started working for him, all the while suppressing my feelings, one night we just started making out. This has been going on for nearly two years now. We fall more and more in love every day. I don’t agree with what I am doing, but I love him. I didn’t want his wife to know and I didn’t want him to leave his family. He told his wife a week ago that he is in love with me and wants to leave. However he has conflicting feelings about leaving his kids. She told him he could stay but he had to give me up. He told her he couldn’t because he loves me.She is allowing him to stay but he wants so badly to leave her but not his kids. He is very confused and I am supportive and told him I will be there for him no matter what. We were fast friends before any love issues.
I am just so confused. I love him more than words can say, and I know the turmoil he is experiencing with his children.
A: You write the story as if the situation is a result of destiny and you absolve yourself of any blame by saying that you don’t want him to leave his kids. You, and he, have the responsibility for this mess, not destiny. Why do either of you think that your relationship is worth breaking up a family? My advice? Leave the job. Leave the man. Don’t build your life on broken promises and the broken hearts of a family and the guilty conscience of a man. Do some therapeutic work on yourself to understand why you helped create a situation that is so painful for everyone. I hope you will then be able to enter into a relationship with a man who is truly and wholly available to you.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Nov 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). In love with married man. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/11/13/in-love-with-married-man/