Q: Well I have been with my boyfriend since I was 17. He is the only man I have ever been with all together he was my first everything and he is always accusing me of sleeping around and saying that my stuff is too loose and he can’t get what he needs. But he has to have sex every other night. If I dont want to do it then i’m cheating. He was abusive and he is very controlling. I can’t handle much more but i’m scared. He threatens my life if I try to leave. I just don’t know what to do. I love him dearly but do you think he will ever change?
A: Your boyfriend sounds like a very insecure man who is trying to manage his own anxieties by controlling you. This must be terribly, terribly disappointing for you. Your love and loyalty are being met with suspicion, demands, and threats. After 6 years together, you deserve far better than this.
No. I don’t think he will change. He doesn’t see that he has a problem. Yes. I do think you should get out of this relationship and find a man who returns love with more love, not with threats.
I am concerned for your safety. Before you do anything, please call the Ohio Domestic Violence Network at 800-934-9840 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. Counselors are available 24/7 to help women figure out how to leave abusive relationships safely.
Please get the advice and support you need. You have been living with fear long enough.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Nov 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Scared to leave. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 1, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/11/03/scared-to-leave/