15 and heartbroken

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I met this boy about 2 years ago and we talked very seldom, i never pictured myslef falling in love with him. At the end of my freshman year I sent him a text message and we just started talking to each other more and more. Then I asked him to call me, after that, he came to see me for the first time on the last day of school. We began to develop feelings for each other and so on. He is very articulate and explains himself very well, he is everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. He told me how he felt about me & all he wanted me to do was to return the favor. However, I am a very shy person and when I talk to him I get extremely nervous.

I waited too long to tell him how I felt and he had moved on to another girl. When I finally told him it was too late. They’ve only been together for 2 months & he says he’s already in love with her. He says the only reason he doesn’t act like he did around me is because of his girlfriend. It feels like he is pushing me away and it hurts so bad.

I’ve fallen in love with him & i’ve told him but he says actions speak louder than words. How am I suppose to “show” him how I feel about him? I can’t hug him, I can’t kiss him, I can’t hold him like I used to. He was my first I expected him to always be there.

People always say teen relationships don’t always last that long, but he’s looking for the love of his life & I’m afraid I may have lost him to her. I cry just about everyday of the week & I can’t get my mind off of him. It was my fault for waiting so long, not his…so I can’t say anything bad on his part or think of any negative thoughts towards him. I’ve stop doing my work in school, sometimes I don’t even want to go to school. I cry so much & I’m so depressed. I know I’m young…we both are, but love has NO AGE. All I want is for God to please send him back to me soon before I do something to hurt myself. I’ve prayed about it over & over & i keep saying to God if he isn’t going to come back to me soon then take my life now, so why am I still here…because he still isn’t back into my life.

A. I’m so very sorry that you are hurting so much. One of the hardest parts of being a teen is that feelings are very, very big. This is your first experience with love and loss and it feels to you like the world is coming to an end. It’s not. In fact, you’ve learned some important lessons. You’ve learned that someone can love you. You’ve learned that you are able to love someone back. And you’ve learned that you can overcome your shyness to talk to someone about your feelings. All of that is really good stuff.

The reason you are having trouble moving on is that your anxiety has again taken over. It’s really hard to risk the possibility of another rejection. Just thinking about it makes you very nervous. So you beat yourself up about one missed opportunity instead of getting to know guys and perhaps finding someone whose timing is more in line with your own.

I have a guess that God has more in mind for you than a life of mourning the loss of your first love. Focus your energy on developing more self-confidence and getting to know more people and I’ll bet your prayers will be answered in ways you don’t expect.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Oct 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). 15 and heartbroken. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/10/22/15-and-heartbroken/

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