I hate his friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: I have a trust issue with my husband… Now i trust him, its only if he is out with his buddies that i start to worry.. It all started when i was on his pc i seen pics of a “friend” in her sexy pjs. Now i knew about this friend and that she wanted him and that he only sees her as a friend, she used to have cancer and he used to help her by talking. but the fact that her pics were there bothered me alot. what kinda of a friend keeps pics like that. (note: this friend passed away)
the second thing that i found was a video of him and his buddies walking home from a night club and one of his friends was saying to my husband “you’re such an idiot, you should have gone home with that girl… and have some fun who cares about cheating
so obivously he said no to the woman but after seeing that video i started to hate his friends with a passion and i dont trust them and to be honest i dont trust him when he is around them..
he wants to visit his friends in xmass (guys only) and i cant stand the thought of him going… i really wanna stop thinking like that, its not healthy for our realtionship…
he is a great guy and cares for me alot and he would never do anything unless i agree to it completly…
now i know for sure he wont cheat but there is a side of me always worrying..
I would like to note that we dont have any other issues..
thank you

A: Your husband may be feeling torn between wanting to keep his old gang and wanting to be a responsible husband. No matter what he does under these circumstances, he’s going to be disappointing either you or the guys. This could be very hard on him. It might help if you sympathized and talked with him about how he is managing the problem of keeping the friends without feeling like he has to conform to their lifestyle. If your husband is clear that he is strong enough not to bend to peer pressure, you need to give him your support and respect his choice to spend some time with the gang. That’s what trust means. If, on the other hand, his friends won’t respect his choice to be a faithful husband and keep pressuring him, maybe it’s time for him to find some new friends. I hope the two of you can talk about the issue and work it through so you can both relax.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Sep 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). I hate his friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/09/11/i-hate-his-friends/

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