Babies change everything

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: I’m not too sure where to begin. My boyfriend and I have been together since April of 2007. Everything was really good. We did have fights, of course, but we resolved them constructively. We moved into our apartment in September, then a week later we found out I was pregnant. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have been angry. We had our baby in May, but I still find myself complaining about everything and being really cranky. I absolutely hate when my boyfriend goes out with his friends, because he generally is out very late. *He is 21, and I’m 20*. He never wants to spend time with me, and he says it’s because I’m such a jerk, and I’m going to complain more than likely and he just won’t have a good time. I always find myself snooping through his computer and e-mail because I am paranoid of him cheating. This isn’t like me at all, and I’m unsure of what to do. I want to make this relationship to work, and I want to stop being so controlling and cranky. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Any ideas?

A: Babies change everything. When the two of you found out that your were pregnant, you and your boyfriend were suddenly thrust into roles and responsibilities you maybe weren’t ready for. But ready or not, the baby is here. Both of you have some adjusting to do — for your own sakes and for the sake of your child. You are getting insecure. Your boyfriend is feeling crowded. Your baby doesn’t have two parents who are working together. Please find a couples counselor to help the two of you make a family before things totally fall apart. You loved each other enough to move in together so there’s a foundation of caring to work from. You and your boyfriend can do better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Sep 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Babies change everything. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/09/11/babies-change-everything/