Can’t get over cheating boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q from a 16 year old: I have been dating this one guy for almost about six months now. about three-four months in the relationship he had to go to rehab to get help with drugs. i supported him all the way through this. well after that i went up north and on the last day there my best friend decided to finally tell me that she had made-out with my boyfriend during spring break. i was crushed, that night i broke up with him and hung out with her brother that night (he is on of my best friends, i think of him as a brother) well when i came home i hung out with my ex and i could not stop crying so he asked me back out and i said “yes” then a few weeks pass he cheated on me again, i let him get away with it. then i moved three hours away. and i went through his email and i read this message from his ex-girlfriend saying a lot of mean stuff about me and all he had to say was “oh lol’ and to me that is very disrespectful because when ever anyone says about about him i stick up for him 100%. then he asked her to get some drugs after he promised his parents and me that he would stop doing them. now he is up north and i told him not to text me or call me until i get home. and i don’t know if i should regret saying that. because ever since yesterday i have not ate, i feel sick in my stomach, i have no energy to do anything, i just wanna send him a text and forget about everything and forgive him.
my question is.. should i leave him? should i stay? what should i do!?

A: Relationships that start so badly rarely work out. Please don’t waste another minute on this guy. He lies and cheats and says what people want to hear so that he can keep doing drugs and generally do as he pleases. If you forgive him and go back to him, you become part of the problem. You will be showing him that he can get away with treating people badly. Instead, I think you should give him a clear message that the way he is living isn’t acceptable to you and that you love yourself enough to want better. I think your body is telling you that being involved with him makes you sick. You are recovering. Rest up and then enjoy the rest of your summer. Let people know you are single and get back into the social scene. I’m sure you’ll eventually find a guy who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jul 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Can’t get over cheating boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/07/27/cant-get-over-cheating-boyfriend/