My family hates me, and I hate them!

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: I am fifteen years of age and through out my entire life I have known that I was dealt the short end of the stick when dealing with family. My dad was an abusive alcholic. My mother divorced him when I was young and he was given visiting time with me every weekend. Then my younger sister was born (also his child) and they tried to make the relationship work, and of course it didn’t. The weekends were still given to him. He then got his drivers license taken away and lost his job, and moved in with his parents. We hardly ever got to go see him. The only time we got to see him was when my grandfather came and picked us up. I only stayed in the house during the day and at night I would leave and stay at my boyfriends home. I hated my dad and was completely thrilled the day he died (which I dont think is normal).

My mom now has a husband and he has a son who I was basically raised with. We used to be close, but now we arent too much… I hate my sister to the point where, everyday, I just want to smash her face into the ground. She’s disrespectful and rude. Not to mention completly ignorant.

My mother is verbally abusive. I do really well in school, and no matter how well I do it’s not good enough. She always calls me rude names like fat, pig, stupid, idiot, etc. and she wonders why I had an eating issue (which is solved and fixed)… She makes me feel like a no one, like I don’t matter.

I really need help. Thanks.

A: I agree. You do need help sorting all this out. You are one hurt and angry girl. You are so hurt and angry that you can’t see that you are treating your sister the way your mom is treating you. Your sis and stepbrother have grown up in the same family with the same hurts and the same longing. The three of you need to work on being a team instead of taking it out on each other.

It looks to me like you have an amazing core of strength. You conquered an eating disorder. You survived your father’s abuse and neglect. You do well in school in spite of the way your mom talks to you. So my advice is this: Take all that angry energy and make it work for you. Make a vow to prove your mom wrong and be the most excellent person you know how to be. Make friends with your sister and stepbrother and team up to get good grades and develop some interests outside your home. If you have the support of each other, you can help each other when you get discouraged or down. If you work at it, the three of you will have what you need to get scholarships so you can all get out of there. A new life that starts with a good college is only three short years away.

I wish you all well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Jul 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). My family hates me, and I hate them!. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/07/24/my-family-hates-me-and-i-hate-them/