Q: I have been with this guy for 2 yrs now. Deep down, i love him so much but lately i have been getting more doubts in my head. I want to be with him but i dont understand why i have more doubts. I tell him how i feel and he doesnt seem to try to fix it. He just says to stop thinking that way and it is hard. I feel like i trust him with some things and not with girls. I feel like i am delusional about him cheating on me. I think he flirts when i am not there. I feel like sometimes he is not the same when he is with me and when he is with others. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to be able to just stop arguing about the little things and just be together. He says he loves but i dont feel it from him. He sometimes makes me feel like i am not good enough. It makes me think if i need more and maybe it is him that i am not suppose to be with. I want to be with him though. I just want him to make me feel like i am the only one but he doesnt. He does when we wants to but then other days he just makes it seem like he doesnt care. I need more and i dont think he is willing to give me more. What should i do? Should i end it?
A: It isn’t surprising to me that your feelings about this young man have changed. You met him when you were only 17. Chances are that the person you were at 17 liked him and trusted him a lot. The person you are now, though, may not have the same feelings. You’ve matured. You want more out of a relationship. He isn’t interested in responding to your requests for some changes. It may well be that you two are out of sync.
At 19, you should be exploring different relationships in order to figure out what kind of person you eventually want to commit to. I suggest that you wish each other the best, take a break, and let yourselves get to know some other people. Maybe you two will get back together and maybe you won’t. You’ll only know what to do by having a larger basis for comparison.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Jul 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). I’m having doubts about my relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/07/17/im-having-doubts-about-my-relationship/