Q.(EXCERPT FROM LONGER QUESTION) I can’t let go of my former husband. I’ve become a stalker. I can’t let go of him because my covert activities are all that let me have any knowledge about his life or any kind of connection to him. I still miss him so terribly, but he wants nothing to do with me. It’s been 14 months and he still hasn’t forgiven me for coming to his wedding. I know he’d hate me to infinity and back if he knew that I read his email and snoop in his bank and credit card accounts, but I feel so desperate for connection to him and information about his life.
It’s so easy to find information on what to do if you’re being stalked, but what about if you ARE the stalker?
A. Perhaps you don’t realize that you can be arrested for what you are doing. Does the thought of going to jail have any impact on your stalking behavior? What you are doing is illegal and by any definition is a sign of mental illness. If you are caught there is a very real chance you will be headed for jail or prison. If you cannot stop this behavior on your own then I strongly recommend that you seek professional help.
The relationship is over. It requires two people to both say yes, for a relationship to go on. That’s two. One vote for yes and one for no, is not enough. Relationships end every day. Marriages of 30 years end every day. Your relationship is clearly over. Your ex-husband has moved on. How much time do you think he spends thinking about you? What concern does he have for your well being? You should show him no more concern or thought than he shows you. He has done nothing wrong. He has ended his relationship with you and that is his right as a human being. It is not your right to continue to try and keep this alive for any reason or in anyway. What you are doing is both legally and morally wrong. Stop. Get help now or face the consequences of incarceration and a criminal record.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jul 2008
Randle, K. (2008). Is There Help For Stalkers?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/07/14/is-there-help-for-stalkers/