He’s one of two lovers

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q from India: I am happily married since the lat 20 years. 2 years back I fell in love with a 22 year old girl. Over time I got to know that she seems to have always been in 2 relationships at the same time. And she manages both very well – at the same time, its really amazing. Such planning and execution. When she is confronted about the issue, she denies it and expresses her true love only for me and maybe she does that to her other lover too. Of what I know, this is the 3rd such situation in her life. I dont understand the problem. But I want to help her. At any given point of time since the last 3 years there have been 2 men at a time in her life. She is amazing in bed. Says she dosen’t want sex but only loves me and I should be with her – leave my family and marry her. If i dont talk to her or scold her, she stops eating (thats what i think so), is very sad and cries uncontrollably. She does not seem to have any remorse for her actions.
Plz advise

A: From my point of view you are asking all the wrong questions. You may be happily married but I wonder if your wife shares that opinion. Her husband is preoccupied with fixing a girl who isn’t asking to be fixed and who is probably not able to commit to anyone in a real way. Instead of distracting yourself with a kid who is young enough to be your daughter, work on your marriage. Twenty years of happiness deserves more respect.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Jul 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). He’s one of two lovers. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/07/06/hes-one-of-two-lovers/

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