Why do I Want to Make Out So Bad?
Q from an American teen: I’ve shamefully become jealous of couples engaging in making out publicly. I’m an 18 year old, single, never had a girlfriend (that wasn’t online/completely unseeable, hundreds of miles away and untouchable), never been kissed guy. One side of me says be patient and I’m too young, the other side of me remembers everyone’s story about their first kiss in middle school, or how a 14 yr old (annoying)friend bragged to me about kissing, while the 17 year old me sat there ignoring his statements and masking jealously. In high school all the kids kissing in the halls, and in lunch and stuff became a tiring image (I was never one of them) and I realized such a strong desire when my failed attempts to be with a crush were for that very reason. I’ve had tons of dreams about making out. In the waking life I turn my head every time an onscreen kiss happens, and now I just HATE to see a guy kissing a girl who’s not me, and find it extremely awkward to watch. My patience is wearing thin and I’m just dieing to have the experience with a girl in real life, it’s seemed so easy for males much younger than me, and I feel it a consequence of shyness that doesn’t seem to be wearing off anytime soon. Why do I want to so bad?!
A: It’s simple: You want to because you are an absolutely normal 18 year old guy. Now that we’ve settled that, let’s get down to the more important problem. You’d like to find a woman to be close to but you’ve been too shy or anxious. Shyness isn’t likely to wear off by itself. You need to find a way to up your self-confidence and start putting yourself in situations where you can meet young women and let them get to know you. Get off line and join an organization, take some classes, or do some volunteer work. Sharing an interest with women can lead to friendships can lead to finding someone special. Please don’t feel inferior to friends who got into the social scene at a younger age. Some people do. Some don’t. The fact is I get letters every day from shy young women your age who are wishing they could find a young man who would be sensitive to their shyness and take it slow.
I wish you well.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Why do I Want to Make Out So Bad?. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 9, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/06/29/why-do-i-want-to-make-out-so-bad/