Q: From American west coast: I have been dating my bf for a year now and we have known each other for 6 years. He is divorced and has right now a 18 month old kid. I want to move on with my life and have a family but without his old. What presented this choice for me is that I do not want anything to do with his old life. One time I went to help him return the car that he had lent to her when she was not supposed to be home. She came home early just to start a fight and started attacking him. I stayed in the back. But when we were going to leave, she came up and attacked me… without saying one word to me. Calls me all sorts of names. And even to this day she is still very hostile to me. My boyfriend tried to not get confrontational with her, but whenever my name comes up or that he wants to talk with me, she would go off tangent and insults me and him. I am at the point where i want nothing to do with them. I dont want to see the kid because it looks just like her. She even thinks I should pay for the child support if he cant afford it. I am highly disgusted with this woman. And that kid triggers my anger and disgust because the kid is her weapon for threats and guilt and will more than likely become a mirror image of her in personality and attitude. I want him to make the choice of who he wants to be with. He said he chooses me, but i know he will not be able to do it in the long run. But I really do not want to have anything to do with them and feel that I should not put myself in that emotional stress because of that woman! How can I move on my life without the old and with my boyfriend?
A: You and your boyfriend’s ex have something in common. She doesn’t want him to have a future. You don’t want him to have a past. Meanwhile there is a small and innocent child caught in the middle. The baby deserves to have three loving adults in her life who will do whatever is necessary to raise her well, emotionally and financially. That includes you. If you can’t do that, do yourself and everyone else a favor and find someone who is without a messy past.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Jun 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). She want bf to have no past. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 7, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/06/17/she-want-bf-to-have-no-past/