my boyfriend likes someone else

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: From Singapore: Hello, and thank you for taking the time to address my problem. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and eight months, and even though he says he loves me, i think he likes other girls. I don’t think he believed in this relationship from the start, as he kissed another girl the same day he asked me out. We have been together a long time, and i love him more than words can describe, and he tells me he loves me, and i do think he does on some level, just not the same as me. Before we went out he was quite promiscuous, he would get with quite a few girls when we all went out. I liked him for his personality and he is amazing smart, which i found really attractive.

There was always this girl that liked him as well, and she made that quite obvious.I didn’t like it and told my boyfriend that and he said that he wouldn’t talk to her, yet at this concert we all went to, she was there and she began flirting with him in front of me and he did nothing. Recently i found some text messages on his phone from her asking him to go on holiday with her, and instead of telling her what she was doing was wrong, he said that he couldn’t but would love to in future.

I don’t understand what is going through his mind. He seems to think that she’s not in the wrong, and doesn’t want to tell her that she is disrespecting me and our relationship. I think he likes her, which is why he lets her get away with it. He never tells me when she contacts him, even though he says that he doesn’t like her and wants her to stop…apparently.

Please can you help?

A: You are more committed to your relationship than your boyfriend is. Although you are right that the other girl is disrespectful, it wouldn’t matter in the least if your boyfriend didn’t respond to her. Unfortunately, he is the same guy he has always been. He doesn’t see the value of being faithful and loyal to one woman. The hard decision you need to make is whether you are willing to accept his terms for a relationship. You aren’t going to change him. My best advice to you is to drop him and look for a man who can love you as you deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jun 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). my boyfriend likes someone else. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/06/02/my-boyfriend-likes-someone-else/