Q: From Canada: Im 18 years old, ive been with my boyfriend for a while now, but i honestly cannot stand his mother. She seemed very nice when i had just met her but she later told my boyfriend that we showed too much PDA by hugging. which i respected, so i had stopped being so close around him when she was around. She then told my boyfriend that i was really cheap and the girls shouldnt be so attached her boyfriend. this really hurt my feelings but i decided to let it go because i didnt want to start anything between him and his mother. They come from a weathly family and she doesnt think that im good enough to be dating her only son. recently she started making him work for her company on days where we can only see eachother due to our busy schedule. I know that shes trying to pull him away from me by taking away the time that we spend together. i dont know what to do. i cant tell him that i hate his mother because he respects her very much. I dont know what i did wrong to make her dislike me so much but i can no longer stand her. i love my boyfriend i want this to work so it can be easier on him. but i just dont know what to do.
A: You and his mother have something important in common. You both love him and he loves the two of you. As frustrating as this situation is, you are right not to put your boyfriend in the middle. You would ultimately lose if you asked him to choose. The best thing you can do is take the high road. That means always being courteous to his mother, expressing interest in her when you are with her, and showing her that you are as wonderful as your boyfriend thinks you are. Drop the attitude and find ways to admire the woman. If you and your boyfriend last, you’ll be in each other’s lives for a very long time.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jun 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). I hate his mother.. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/06/02/i-hate-his-mother/