In Love with Two

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: I’m 19 and I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now. We are planning to get married soon. I am very much in love with him, but I think its not all there anymore. I ran into an ex boyfriend a couple weeks ago and feelings for him came rushing back. He still has feelings for me too and wants me to do whatever makes me happy. But thing is, is that my boyfriend and I now fight so much. Everyday. I feel like we are growing apart.

I want to stay with him because he has been a major part of my life and I love him, but my ex I am also crazy about. He makes me happy and I smile alot more when I am with him. I want to be with my ex again, I miss him and I have fun with him, but I also want to stay with my boyfriend now but in a way I dont. Im afraid, and I am scared. I dont know what to do anymore. I need some advice please. Thank you.

A: Slow down, girl. What’s your hurry to get married? Your whole being is telling you you’re not ready to settle down. In your current state of mind (and heart) a marriage wouldn’t last long. At your age, it is normal and appropriate to try out many relationships to find out what kind of guy will be a good match for you over the long, long term. Taking a few years to find the person you may well spend 60 years with is well worth the time. Focus on gettting an education and a good job and let yourself have fun as a single for awhile. When you find the right guy, you won’t be second-guessing yourself like this.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 May 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). In Love with Two. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/05/13/in-love-with-two/