Money matters.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I recently borrowed money from my wifes account, with full intentions on paying her back in a timely fashion (she was sleeping, she did not know about me doing it). She ended up over withdrawing later in the week. I was going to stop by her bank and deposit the funds ASAP(maybe 3 days).
She is so upset with me, can’t tell me she loves me, she says she trusts me 0% and is deciding is she wants to leave.
It wasn’t ahuge amount of money, but I understand where she is coming from…
Please, help me in any way possible. I know you say 2 weeks for an answer, but she might be gone in 3 days…Please, help me save my marriage and stay with the love of my life…it would mean the world to me!!!!!

A: I don’t have much to go on here. If doing things that break her trust is a pattern with you, then she is more than justified in being this upset. Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. Break that often enough and there is nothing left to talk about. If, however, you are generally of good character and you genuinely didn’t know that your wife has boundaries around money, you’ve found out the hard way that the two of you have some serious talking to do.

Because families handle finances in so many different ways, new couples often go through quite a struggle around how to manage money. Each brings their own style with them. When a couple works through how they will manage their money and both people are truly comfortable with it, the relationship reaches a new level of stability and security. If you two haven’t reached a mutual understanding around finances, this incident can be an opportunity for you to grow as a couple.

One more thing: Good intentions don’t count. People are judged by what they do. Not by what they intended to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Apr 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Money matters.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/04/12/moeny-matters/