Q. The reason for this post is that I have recently sought help through counselling for issue and problems I’m having in my life. My grandmother will tell you that Ive had issues in some aspect since I was a child. My reasoning for suggesting Aspersers is down to my partner who has read a lot about it and also due to my daughter being diagnosed with the condition. My son on the other hand has ADHD for which he too has been diagnosed. I will basically start of with where I am in my life now and more recent occurances which have been destructive in my life. Firstly 3 and a half years ago I committed a groping offence. I have gone through probation but due to moving around for jobs I havent stayed in one place long enough for counselling. I did recieve some questioning into why I did what I did and questions relating to my offence.. but here how I described it. Basically for some reason I have developed an obsession for women with Big Breast, I’ll surf the internet for hours looking at this, and pleasure myself more than once everyday in relation to this. Leading up to the time I offended I had started to comment on women in general when out with my partner — sentences like Phwaoar look at the breast on her, which was offensive and degrading to my partner. But she didnt matter in this and I wasnt intentionally trying to hurt her, it was almostlike tunnel vision I had to do it, sod the consequences and sod the reactions. The day I offended for some reason I decided to take looking to the next level, I had seen a very pretty woman in my local garage, and her breast were extremely large, to boot she wasnt fat, she was very pretty, and that was too much for me Id got it in my head in that moment that I was going to feel her Big Breast to see what they felt like and satisfy my curiosity. I followed her and waited for the right opportunity at which I could do this which just happened to be a quiet area. I was caught out by the Police for this and I admitted everything, I even saw a psychologist who basically said there was nothing wrong with me because I realised I had done wrong. Since the offence I have never stepped out of society bounds, but this doesnt stop me still eyeing up women to the extreme, but I never act on anything. I now choose to visit prostitutes, and pay for ladies on cam on the internet which seems to give me enough of a fix. The thought of going to prison, seems to keep me in line with anything more extreme. My partner is not aware of this, especially the prostitutes. More recently she is aware of me sleeping with another woman who befreinded me at the local pub. We spoke most of the night, and she knew I had a wife and children, she basically asked me to her place and I couldnt say no. Also at work Ive recently got myself into a bad situation due to a woman giving me the come on. We were both flirting with each other and this culminated in her showing me pictures of herself naked on her mobile phone and also showing me her breast. In reaction to this I told her how much she was messing with my head and asked her if she wanted to feel how much she had turned me on. She nodded, so I moved her hand towards my penis. She didnt just breifly feel she squeezed me and commented awww poor boy not getting enough at home. Anyway next time I saw her I placed my hands on her waist she reacted badly and I apologised. Now I find myself in a sexual harasssment case where I have admitted everything, and she is disputing showing me her breast and accusing me of making her feel my penis. Looks like I’ll lose my job, wish I could have just said no, but I dont think Im capable… Summing up the rest of my life currently before I go into the past, Im either bugging my partner for sex or ignoring her all night putting myself on my pc and distancing myself from her. Still expecting sex may I add when we go to bed when I may have not said a single word to her all night. I ignore my children, if they are not quiet or they bother me I can invariably shout at them, and I hate myself for this, and although I have recognised that shouting at them is bad my interaction with my children is still infrequent and very poor. I never take my partners feelings into account in anything I do its almost like shes an object, yet the last thing I want is to lose her or my children. I still occasionally shout at my partner, although this is very rare now, yet earlier in our relationship 4 – 5 years ago I used to hit her badly over the littlest thing,my anger was incontrollable. Now I just end up ignoring her and drinking myself silly… My alcohol intake has gone to ridiculous levels which is worrying my partner and now is even worrying me. If I drink to the extreme when Im out I invariably end up being locked up for the night. Not because Im being violent, but because I do stupid things. Before the tendancy to dift towards sexual things occurred I was gambling like there was no tomorrow and this ended up in me going bankrupt, I must have gambled away about £10K with no thought for my family again. If I cast my mind back when did this self destruct behaviour begin, If Im honest when I stopped running due to a spinal injury though what that has to do with it I dont know? I have L5 spondylothesis, which means I can no longer compete, I used to run 100 miles a week and used to compete for Wales. Since I stopped my behaviour started to become risky, I had never been in trouble with the Police previously. Before I started running as a teenager and a child I was very disruptive, I spent more time outside the classroom than in it. I used to beat up my brothers for the smallest reason, get into fights at school, and even hit my mother in a number of confrontations. Something I’m not proud of but it just happened.
As a child my Father used to discipline me to the extreme, hitting me with his belt, and the buckle used to leave marks. But in his defence I was a difficult child. I would hit my brothers and get very angry and frustrated over the littlest things for example, 1. My brothers moving my things or borrowing stuff and not returning it. 2. If they returned it not putting it back in the correct place.
Also I had a tendancy to bolt, which would worry my parents. As an adult I still now portray a lot of the stuff I was portraying as a child, allthe files on my PC are in order according to genre. My DVD collection is in a big case in order by genre. If my children get hold of it even if I have work the next day I will be up until the early hours of the morning putting evrything back in order. I am constantly having ups and downs in my life. This resulted three years ago in me trying to take my life twice by overdose, and once two years ago by driving my car into a brick wall. I spent three months on escitalopram when I was off work last year. This I have to admit started to make me feel better about myself. But rather stupidly when I felt better I went back to work and stopped my tablets against medical advice. As I write this letter due to what is going on in my life right now I am feeling very suicidal, if I lose my job due to this womans allegations I have nothing, because I will never get another job, the only thing stopping me right now is my beautiful 2yr old daughter. Stupidly she is the only thing that makes me smile, while I still cant put up with my other two children?
To be honest losing my job will just make things worse, I have difficulty getting out of bed, this is having a knock on effect on my partner, who is I feel getting depressed due to me. She love me very much and I need to change for her, but even with trying within a short space of time I end up back in character. My GP on all this and trust me it was brave going to my GP with it has reffered me to counselling. This was done in January, before anything occured in work in febuary, and Im now moving forward to see a specialist OCD consultant, and also to undergo evaluation to see if I have asperger’s syndrome. Can any of this save me from dismissal from my current job. If I have asperger’s or OCD is it cureable. I’m at the point where I dont know where to turn. My Mum’s response is to pull myself together I really wish I could…
A. Thank you for your detailed question. There is so much going on in your life, including problems with your family, marriage, job and now most recently legal trouble. Your situation is extremely complicated.
I do not know if you have Aspergers. According to Family’s of Adults Affected by Aspergers Syndrome, Inc. (FAAAS) it seems that it is a neurological disease, similar to Autism that has only been medically recognized since 1994. Some of the symptoms include some of what you mentioned; difficulty with social interactions, including friends and family, trouble keeping jobs, lack of empathy, and so forth.
I also read that spouses of those with Aspergers do sometimes complain that their husbands become hypersexual. This hypersexuality, the wives said often lead to problems with Internet pornography. It important to note, however, that this information is antidotal and may not be clinically accurate.
It is also possible that you do not have Aspergers and there are other psychological issues at play. The only way to know if you have Aspergers, or any other psychological disorders is to see a mental health professional for a psychiatric evaluation and diagnosis. You did not mention that you were in contact with a doctor or a therapist.
Given your inability to control yourself sexually, especially around women who feature a certain body preference of yours, you need assistance in learning how to control yourself. Getting professional psychological help will be crucial in helping you learn to control your behavior as well as getting assistance to live with Aspergers disorder, or any other disorders or psychological issues you may be suffering with. Thanks for writing.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Mar 2008
Randle, K. (2008). Do I Have Aspergers or Something More?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/03/16/do-i-have-aspergers-or-something-more/