OK, SO ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO I STARTED HOOKING UP WITH ONE OF MY EX’S FRIENDS, THAT LIVES ABOUT AN HOUR AWAY FROM ME. SO WE CONTINUED HOOKING UP. BUT MY EX STARTED CALLING ME AND I DID SOMETHING I REGRET VERY MUCH AND STARTED DATING HIM AT THE SAME TIME. NOW THEY ARE GOING TO HANG OUT THIS WEEKEND AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I THINK THEY MIGHT KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER AND I DON’T WANT THEM TO HATE ME EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO. PLEASE HELP ME RESOLVE THIS SO I CAN GET SOME PEACE OF MIND. IT IS EATING AWAY AT ME EVERY DAY
A: You are getting a hard lesson in the fact that there are consequences to our choices. There was nothing particularly wrong with dating your ex’s friend. Your ex doesn’t own his friend. And there’s not necessarily anything wrong with dating two guys at the same time as long as everyone involved agrees that it’s okay. In this case, you probably knew that the two men wouldn’t like that arrangement but you went ahead and saw both anyway.
I don’t know what you were thinking. Actually, I don’t think you were thinking. These guys are friends. Of course you would eventually be found out! Their friendship with each other is probably more important to both of them than their relationship with you so it may be that they will gang up on you. All you can do is apologize and see if they care enough about you to accept the apology. Whether or not you all smooth this out, I hope you’ve learned that dishonesty in relationships is a very, very bad idea and that you’ll never make the same mistake again.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Mar 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Love Triangle. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 11, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/03/01/love-triangle/