Psych Central

What’s wrong with me?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

what going inside??! whats wrong with me??is it a disorder…plz help i cant access any psychologist nor therapists..

childhood: mum was so strict, im hit until now (severly).. until now we have a (naughty spot- room) actually its the bathroom where i spend the night if did sth bad… mum always mistrusts me… when i was 6 yrs old i stole things from ma friends but stopped whn i was severly punished(hit) 4 this attitude…I HATE MY MUM..dad is alwayz away travelling…

im now 19 . i am used to SEVERLY self harm, for the last 3 yrs ,(cut,burnt,pierced maself..overdosed.. i traverse streets without looking…im on a YOYO diet either i eat toooooo much or i starve myself..i never had a set weight….im am a danger seeker..for example i walk in dark streets instead of safer ones, i disobey laws…..wear very light clothes in cold weather…etc

my problem is: i cant have a BEST friend… im friendly,, ppl say im cute n sweet,ive lots of non close friends…but whn i get close to anyone & share with her all my problems @ the end i turn against her , though she was caring- and i say tht i want distance, i hate u , plz leave me alone…then i regret that deed n ask for her forgivness, but it is too late and they go away because the say i hurt them badly…i did that with 4 people before and im looking at my friends as if they are toys or sth and im trying to search 4 the (target) i mean the next girl who i will show deeeep love and care then ill turn on her @ the end…but i swear i dont mean to manipulate their feelings actually i feel tht hatred towards them @ the end.then i deeply regret it and i self harm myself deeply as a punishment..

i used to be successful but 4 the last coouple of years im not consentrating on ma studies,, im always daydreaming.. im either very happy n cheerful..or depressed crying with no reason…or im overexcited & “crazy n funny”…i really have no exact personality im too flexible iam what matches with the others…when im talking with a group its a mess i cant be myself coz i dun kno how to act….

im not that isolated i love being with my friends ,i hate to b alone especially when i know ma friends are having fun together and im grounded or mum doesnt agree to the outing… im oversensitive…ery very easily hury and also forgive very very easily

doctor plz help me… mum doesnt believe in mental illness though i tried to kill myself and she witnessed and stopped this, two times….plz help me… ma friends cant help me…and i dont know what to do..
PS: in my country i cant leave home and live bymyself i live with my parents untill i get married and i cant seek medical help alone….plz plz help me(crying)…………thanx

A: It must be so hard to be this confused and scared and not feel that you have anywhere to turn for help. I’m glad you wrote to me. Now we have to help you find the strong part of you so you can help yourself. I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, of course, but one possibility is that you have developed a borderline personality disorder (BPD). One theory is that BPD occurs when a highly sensitive person is born into a family that can’t validate or respond to her feelings. BPD is characterized by fears of abandonment and a pattern of unstable and intense personal relationships. Often the person alternates between extremes of idealizing others and devaluating them. In their despair, people with BPD often resort to suicidal behavior and self-injury.

Ideally, you should go to a mental health professional to explore whether this diagnosis is a fit and to get appropriate treatment. If that really isn’t possible, please do your best to take care of yourself by exploring websites about BPD and perhaps joining one of the online communities where people like yourself share information and give each other support.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Feb 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). What’s wrong with me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/02/24/whats-wrong-with-me-2/