How Can I Stop Fixating and Fantasizing?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. Im single and have been lonely my entire life, almost dependent on finding a relationship that has never happened. It is an understatement to say that i’m desperate. About 2 years ago, i met this guy at summer studies, and we happened to have a few small conversations, and he seemed to show interest in me. after summer ended, i didnt see him again, but i still cant get him out of my head. I keep thinking that i will run into him again and ill have a chance to talk to him, i constantly think about him, and worry about my appearance and what he would think of it. Im completely obsessed with him and i daydream about us falling in love and i think of witty things to say to him.

these fantasies havent directly affected my actions, but its driiving me crazy that i cant help but think about him all of the time. im currently trying to see a therapist but its taking months to actually get an appointment, as my health insurrance doesnt cover the cost. Is there any way to sort of dull these lustful feelings in the meantime, and is there an actual diagnosis for this?

A. I do not know if there is a diagnosis for this exact issue but it does seem that you are displaying the tendency to obsess. You are also fixated on the possibility of a relationship that realistically has no chance of occurring. I am glad that you are seeking help for these issues and once you can get into see a therapist, he or she can help you learn to control these bothersome and intrusive thoughts.

In the meantime, try to focus on the truth of the situation. Try to see reality for what it is. You already recognize that your thoughts regarding this man are fantasies. This is good. It shows that you can separate reality from fantasy. When these thoughts occur to you, try to override these thoughts with reality. Try not to let yourself engage in these fantasies. It would also be helpful if you had a trusted friend or family member who you could talk to when these unrealistic thoughts occur. This would be very helpful to you.

Try to see a therapist soon. In the meantime, try to stop yourself from unrealistic thinking by always trying to focus on the truth of your situation. Try to get a friend to help with this. This may not be easy but with practice and effort, you may be able to gain some relief in stopping these fantasies while you are waiting to see a therapist. Thanks for writing.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Feb 2008

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2008). How Can I Stop Fixating and Fantasizing?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/02/22/how-can-i-stop-fixating-and-fantasizing/