My girlfriend makes me compete with other men.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My fiance and I have been together for two years now. Within the first 6 months of our relationship, she took a vacation(planned before we met) and cheated on me with two different people. When she returned, we split up briefly, but quickly reconciled. I still have problems trusting her though. She often falls into this pattern: overdrinks, waits for me to go to bed, and then chats and emails with other men, sometimes exboyfriends, and sometimes the chats are sexually suggestive. I know this because the content of one of these conversations actually made it’s way back to me through a friend.

Basically, I feel that she places me into psychosexual competition with every other man in her life, exlovers, exprofessors, pseudofriends, and total strangers she meets online. Given the past cheating, the drinking, etc, I don’t know what to do.

A: Your fiance is an ideal match only for someone who doesn’t really want a committed relationship but wants it to be the other person’s fault. She is giving you every possible signal that she either can’t or won’t be emotionally, and maybe physically, faithful. I’m sure she has many wonderful qualities or you wouldn’t be with her at all. But do understand that she is unlikely to change and you will never win the competition. It’s sad but, out of respect for yourself, it’s time to move on.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jan 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). My girlfriend makes me compete with other men.. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/26/my-girlfriend-makes-me-compete-with-other-men/