THE ISSUE I AM ASKING ADVICE ON IS THIS:I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR JUST OVER FIVE YEARS,AND I AM GAY. I HAVE NEVER HAD A ENCOUNTER WITH ANOTHER MAN,BUT I JUST KNOW I AM. I STILL LOVE MY WIFE,BUT I CAN NO LONGER KEEP THIS BACK FROM HER. THIS WILL BE VERY,VERY,HURTFULL AND I AM LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN,AND I WOULD COME OUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME. I HAVE CLINICAL DEPRESSION,AND BIPOLER AND CANNOT WORK BECAUSE OF MY ISSUES. PLEASE,PLEASE,I NEED ADVICE AND FAST! THANK YOU!
A: Please take a deep breath and slow down. I know you are feeling desperate but hurrying this process will make it go badly. You need some support and some practical help. I hope you are getting treatment for the mood disorder. That’s the place to start. Please talk with your therapist about your dilemma. If you don’t yet have a therapist, please consider finding a clinician who is sensitive to sexual identity issues. Talk over how to approach your wife with sensitivity and love. Done well, you may be able to keep her as a good friend. You also need to talk about the many, many decisions that go with coming out, especially in a small town. With good support, you can come through this transition feeling whole and strong.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Jan 2008
