How Can I Deal With My Boyfriend’s Children?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. I have a boyfriend who is 15 years older than i am.he is divorced.we love each other very much.but he has 2 children from his first marriage(boy 6,girl 8).he is meeting them 2 times a week.i feel like they are stealing our precious time.i have met his kids once,we spent good time,but deep inside i felt i dont like being with them.i dont want to communicate with them,but i know if i dont,then i will lose a person that i love and i really dont want this.besides their mother knows about me and she always asperses me for the kids.what should i do? how to hide my feelings,that i dont want to be those kids? please help.

A. His children are a part of his life. He is their father. It’s a fact of his life. To stay with your boyfriend, you are probably going to have to accept the fact that he has children. If you have a problem with his children, it may be very difficult for the two of you to stay together. It would not be fair or reasonable to ask him to stop seeing his children or to decrease the amount of time he spends with them. The answer to this question really depends on whether your boyfriend believes you should or should not be involved with his children. Perhaps you can request that you not be in their presence. It would be good to be honest with him. It is fair and reasonable to tell him how you feel but he may have a problem with your not wanting to be involved with his children. Have you spoken to him about this issue yet? If not, it’s important that the two of you discuss this issue and come to some resolution. Take care.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Jan 2008

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2008). How Can I Deal With My Boyfriend’s Children?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/21/how-can-i-deal-with-my-boyfriends-children/