Help. I hate my mother.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My mother and i don’t get along I really can’t stand her. All she does it bark orders and expects me to do them when she doesn’t ask politely. We fight every single day and i can’t take it anymore. I have two other sisters, and she’s only like that towards me. She makes my father and i fight and i don’t know what to do. I seriously hate her so much.

A: I think the reason that you wrote to me is that you don’t like it that you hate your mom but you can’t seem to find a way to change the relationship. Believe it or not, the fighting is a good sign. You two care enough about each other to argue. I bet your mom is as sick of it as you are. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know how to make things better either. My guess is that the two of you are more alike than either of you would like to admit and that’s one of the reasons you are always knocking heads.

So here’s my challenge to you: Do you think you are mature enough to take the lead in fixing things in spite of how angry you feel? If so, you could sit down with her when you’re not mad and just ask her what it is about you that upsets her so. Tell her how much it hurts to feel bossed instead of asked to do things. Ask her if there are ways the two of you could work on your relationship. Don’t let yourself get defensive. Just listen respectfully. Then share your point of view. If you can pull that off, you will be demonstrating to her that you deserve to be treated like a young adult.

Another option is to ask your dad to try to be a mediator and help you and your mom talk it out. If that doesn’t seem like it would work, you could tell your mom that you really wish the two of you could be friends and would she be willing to go into counseling with you to learn how.

It’s worth the effort to change the relationship if you can. Really. You have at least two more years before you graduate from high school. It would be a relief to you both if you could find a way to get along and even to enjoy each other during this important time in your life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Jan 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). Help. I hate my mother.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/16/help-i-hate-my-mother/