My husband looked up his ex on the web.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been married to my husband for 5 years…we have 2 kids together. Recently, I discovered that he was looking up his ex girl friend’s web page (he was engaged to her for 3 years and then she cheated on him and they split up…my husband tried his best to get her back but I guess she didn’t want to come back…though they both wrote emails to each other while my husband and I were dating).
Now she is married to some other guy…but my husband had saved her web page on his favorites…I didn’t even know he would be doing this and it has upset me….I don’t trust him anymore….he keeps saying he didn’t contact her…but I find that hard to believe….I want to leave him….is that the right thing to do??

A: Please slow down. Finding out that your husband looked up his ex is not enough of a reason to up and leave. There’s too much at stake to take such drastic action without finding out more about yourself, your husband, and your marriage. Maybe he is being unfaithful to you. Or maybe he just wants to stay in touch with someone who was once important in his life but kept it from you because he knew it would upset you. Either way, some professional help is in order. Please consider going into couples counseling together to settle the old girlfriend issue once and for all. You don’t want to live out your life always feeling like you are competing with her. He doesn’t want to live out his life feeling like your are always on the lookout for disloyalty. You loved each other enough to bring two children into the world. That’s reason enough to put in a few months with a counselor.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jan 2008

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). My husband looked up his ex on the web.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/01/my-husband-looked-up-his-ex-on-the-web/