My fiance has lied to me about how many times he was married. When I found out, I was surprised, but not angry. When I asked him why he had been dishonest and how many times he has been married. He told me that I was f****** ridiculous and hung up on me. I didn’t feel like I was being confrontational. Was I wrong to ask about previous marriages and how many? I am 37 and he is 10 years older.
A: Your fiance’s response to your question is as worrisome as the original lie. You were not being ridiculous! It’s legitimate for you to want to know his history. The best predictor for how someone will be in a relationship is how they were in others and what they learned from those that failed. You don’t need to know minute details (we’re all entitled to some privacy) but you both should feel confident that the other is sharing what’s important.
A marriage that lasts is built on mutual trust. I wouldn’t be surprised if you now wonder what else he is keeping from you since he was so defensive. His reaction probably put a crack in your trust in him. You two have a great deal of talking to do before it makes sense for you to pursue a life together.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jan 2008
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2008). My fiance lied to me about how many times he has been married.. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 9, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2008/01/01/my-fiance-lied-to-me-about-how-many-times-he-has-been-married/