Q. I am seeking advice for my present condition that I call paralyzing depression, overwhelming feelings of being watched and monitored. Also feelings of extreme helplessness and paralyzing depression. I am currently being treated at a state facility as an outpatient after being hospitalized in a state hospital which made my condition worse due to ill treatment while in the hospital. My after care has not worked; the medicines given have been exasperating, the ones for day make me sleep and the ones to help me sleep keep me up all night. I have also been diagnosed with ADD, borderline personality, but I have stopped my adderall because family members and my fiance’ reacted-saying that the adderall was the whole problem. Obviously that is not the case. I have been off adderall for months and my condition has gotten worse. I take wellbutrin and it seems to help.
I would like any treatment, therapy, whatever it takes to be a functioning, person who can give back to society and be there for my children who are now 18 and 20. I am considering the rapid eye movement therapy or another stay at a facility that I don’t feel so helpless and violated while there. I am still well enough to be motivated to receive treatment but fear that I am heading into extreme depression that will lead me to do something that I may regret. I have recently graduated with a bachelor of science degree in human development and need to be working but I am so overwhelmed of these feelings that it is hard to concentrate. I feel bad that i am not working and helping others and fear that I can’t even help myself. I’ve worn out my fiance’ and put pressure on my kids. I am desperate for help, and I know that because I am strong in my faith right now, the situations will be resolved. I pray sooner than later. Do you have any advice for me?
A. Thanks for writing. You are obviously a very strong person. This is evident from your letter. You have been through so much and struggle daily with your symptoms yet you fight to go on. Despite being hospitalized and living with paralyzing depression and extreme stress, you still managed to make it through school and are now trying to get back to work, to get back to your life. Your will, drive and motivation to get better are truly admirable. You and your family should be proud.
At this point, it would be helpful for you to find a good therapist or doctor who is truly caring and invested in helping you get better. You have the will to get better but now you need help and support. It sounds like your family has been supportive in the past but perhaps now they are at a point where they do not know how to best help and support you.
You might also want to consider a family therapist that can work with both you and your family. A family therapist can work with your family to help them know how to best support you while you work through treatment. Research has shown that family members of those with a mental illness are often in need of support and guidance. Your family may too be stressed out and feel helpless in their efforts to help you. It is clear that you are need outside support at this point in your recovery.
I hope this advice helps you. Good luck and stay strong.
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