How Can I Deal With My Brother Who Abused Me?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. I let my brother sexually abuse me years on i cant live with it. my brother first started when i was about 7 with a friend he made me get into bed with them they were about 9 and they tried to penatrate me. nothing else happened till i was 13 my brother started to sit by me and stroke me i was scared to say anything i let him do it i let him abuse me this went on regullary till i was 16. i remember when i was about 11 or 12 he asked me if i masturbated i didnt understand and said i would ask dad but he hit me and told me not to. when it all started again he told me loads of boys in his year had sex with there sisters, but i let him do it to me i aloud it i loved him not in a romantic way but i looked up to him and hes always been my best friend, ythere was one time the new year of 2005 he really did force i said no it hadent happened for a while i was forcefull i dindnt want it i was on my period i beg him but he full on forced me he always apologies afterwards and i became numb to it.

i told a friend who told a friend of my dad who told my dad and my dad didnt believe me both him and my brother called me a lier since i have put it to the back of my mind and i have been good friends with my brother sometimes it would flash back but id push it out now iv been i n a realationship for 18months and i cant bare it i see it all the time sex with my partner is effected i hate how my brother flunct his life and is the golden boy i domnt want hime to touch me i dont like been near him anymore, what do i do???

A. Let me be clear about this. None of this is your fault and you did not let your brother sexually abuse you. He forced himself on you and you did not know any better. You were a young child when this started. There was nothing you could have done to stop him and when you tried your father called you a liar. Do not blame yourself in any way. You were a victim. There was no one there to help you and what happened to you is tragic. I am very sorry this happened to you.

It would be a very good idea for you to seek out a therapist to help you address this issue. You are in a situation where you have very few people to turn to and you need some support in dealing with this situation. Do what you can to stay away from your brother but in the meantime I would strongly suggest finding a therapist if you can. If you cannot find a therapist, try talking to a trusted adult or close friend or family member. You need more support and help to deal with this situation. Please do try to find some support to help you begin to heal from this unfortunate situation. Take care.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Dec 2007

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2007). How Can I Deal With My Brother Who Abused Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/30/how-can-i-deal-with-my-brother-who-abused-me/