I started dating this guy i met over the internet for 4 months now and it seems we fight every week about the same issue. Apparently i have a problem with everything. All my ex boyfriends are still my friends because we were friends from the start and they know me well! I also have a lot of male friends that my boyfriend doesn’t like because hes jealous. And i know i do do things that make him unsure but i love him. He says im immature, attention craving, spoiled and a liar. Now all these things he says to me are hurtful and i hear it every week but i love him in the end. He is making me see a shrink because awhile ago i just lost it and hurt myself and the condition he put on me was if i see a shrink well get back together. But im scared to see one!
Also now he wants me to tell his family that im adopted and if i don’t we won’t get back together but i assumed i’ll tell them if we were serious. What do I do?!!?
A: I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you this relationship is worrisome to me. The first few months of a relationship is usually a happy, intoxicating, wonderful time — not this! Neither one of you sounds ready for a serious relationship. He’s jealous, critical, and controlling. You put up with all that and even hurt yourself because you let his words hurt you. I think a “shrink” is a great idea, not because he says so but because there is something about this relationship that is sinking your self-esteem. You need some help to remind yourself that other people (even ex-boyfriends) love you just the way you are. “Shrinks” are among my favorite people, probably because I am one myself. We’re not so scary. Really. We are trained to listen. We provide people with support and reassurance. We help people figure out what they need to do to grow emotionally and be mentally healthy. You wrote to me, an honest to goodness shrink, so somewhere deep inside you know you really do need to talk to one of us. Lose this guy and go take care of yourself.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Dec 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Is Internet Boyfriend Worth It?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 31, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/27/is-internet-boyfriend-worth-it/